When I was 2-years-old I was still licking windows and chewing on bed skirts (some things never change), but this badass Indonesian butterball can work a cigarette like a grand master pimp.

This is 2-year-old Ardi Rizal and he smokes up to 40 ciggies a day thanks to his dad who gave him his first taste of nicotine at 14-months-old. I don't whether to weep for his tiny lungs, or laugh at the thought of him rolling up to a group of smokers in his toy trunk to ask them for a hot fag.

Ardi's mother says that her son's habit costs the family around $5.50 a day and he only smokes one brand. Ardi's mother cried as she said, "He's totally addicted. If he doesn't get cigarettes, he gets angry and screams and batters his head against the wall. He tells me he feels dizzy and sick."

And it's totally not weird when Ardi reaches for a pack of cigs after drinking from his mom's tete or asks her for a light while she changes his diaper.

The government has agreed to give Ardi's family a new car if he quits. But Ardi's father, who is about to be named Person of the Century by the tobacco companies, doesn't know what the big deal is, "He looks pretty healthy to me. I don't see the problem." Just so you know, Ardi's father is legally blind and has no nostrils.

I don't see the problem either. So he'll get a voice box installed in his froat before he can make complete sentences. Regular talking is overrated! So he'll probably start craving a little whiskey with his cigarette. Bottom shelf booze is cheaper that baby food!

But serious talk, the family should take that car from the government and drive Ardi into the jungle to be raised by wild monkeys. He'll be better off.