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Will Rogers Quotes (1879 - 1935)
  1. The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other.
  2. The one that's out always looks the best.
  3. Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else.
  4. You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.
  5. Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
  6. Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
  7. Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
  8. You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
  9. I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
  10. Politics is applesauce.
  11. There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
  12. This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
  13. On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.
  14. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
  15. We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
  16. An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.
  17. Nothing you can't spell will ever work.
  18. The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
  19. See what will happen if you don't stop biting your fingernails?
  20. Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House?
  21. Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.
  22. The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.
  23. An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh.
  24. Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
  25. There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators.
  26. Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.
  27. I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.
  28. Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is.
  29. I was not a child prodigy, because a child prodigy is a child who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows up.
  30. We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it.
  31. The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.

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